Office Chronicles-2

OK, now, you have the IM in your system connected to every one other in your company.. You have to be overtly cautious as to who all are receiving this message, do your settings and all and select the most elusive of the lot who chat a lot, do about nothing in your organization and form a catalyst to the process that follows.. yesssss, you guessed it right.. these are the ladies of your organization. Now, since I was in an Oil & Gas major at the time I pulled this prank, you all should know that even if you spot a female even in a 250 mtrs radius from a corporate office, you know that you have struck the jackpot. There was little (single digit numbers less than 5 in my company with a work force of more than 500) scarcity of these species in my company.
So, you have the IM, you send a message to one of those that the other is getting married and do so to every one of the lot. You will get to know all these ladies are dating and all about. Here’s how it will sound:

Sender: Hey Girl1, wassup?

Girl1: Stop bothering me you earthborn. (Usual display of nakhra)

Sender: I have news for you. (Personal news: the best thing to get a gal interested)

Girl1: Everyone has news for me, wants new in your news? (Nakhra again)

Sender: This one should blow your mind. (Lesson 1: Always make news sound very important or else, you will never be heard even if its about the first ever anthropod you ve crushed)

Girl1: What’s that? (See, its working.. it means, you can try it.)

Sender: I’d rather tell somebody else unless you stop being snobby to me. (I try to emphasize my superiority in this case)

Girl1: Well, you tell me or else I will tell boss you are harassing me. (Attempt at superiority is shot down)

Sender: Well, if you don’t wanna be nice, it’s ok; I can tell the news to Girl2. (Lesson 2: take risks)

Girl1: Ok baba, you win, I am sorry as always. Just tell me the news and mind you, it must be worth my time. (Yay, I win… its around 3rd time I ve won since the last 1 year)

Sender: Well, now that you ve been so nice to me, I can state these groundbreaking news. (Stretch as far as you can which in this case, I am not very good at)

Girl1: What’s that, will you tell it already, I am having a hard time believing you can have news for me. (Trying to salvage whatever amount of pride if left. Learn and enjoy.)

Sender: Well, you know Girl3? The one who is very silent and sits very near to the printer copier? (Ok, start spilling the beans but, be a bit discreet)

Girl1: Ya, I know her, what’s about her?

Sender: Well, heard spiking hot…

Girl1: Whats that.. will you please tell it to me? I ve got this MOM (Minutes of Meeting for the uninitiated) to be submitted now. (I know that’s not true.. MOM is not to be submitted now… he he he.. helps to be alert)

Sender: MOM? Now? That’s an odd time for MOM submission.. (Stretch.. stretching will also help fake news sound authentic)

Girl1: Well, this is a special case

Sender: Actually, I don’t know if you are the right person I should be telling this (Stretch)

Girl1: You better tell me or else you are a dead guy after I tell boss you have screwed up the design.. whatever, even if you have not, I will make it up. (Now, as an engineer, and if you know the engineer rule book, there are always going to be mistakes in your design, no matter how many times you correct it, the no. of mistakes are always the same, the no. can increase but never decrease. This fact is best known by fellow engineers and is exploited)

Sender: How do you know I have major flaws in my design? (I got caught here)

Girl1: Will you leave the flaws, I will help you in correcting those if you tell me the news and if I found them worth my effort. (Did she just say she will help me? That means we both will connect, that means I have a date this weekend, that means… well, as the intelligent one I always have been, I know that these are fake news and since I will pass on the source as any other fella.. (geeks are preferred as targets) all that planning is baseless)

Sender: Ok, only telling you cause you are helping me with my design (Note even if she was, as galz are inherently forced to change designs your design will be changed to something unacceptable and its you who will have to bear the brunt that will eventually follow so, to be safe, make a copy of all your work and save it in an undisclosed folder. It won’t nullify your errors but will not increase them too.)

Girl1: What’s that? I am dying to hear. (See, no matter what, galz will never let go gossip especially if they are sure that they are the first ones to know)

Sender: Ok, that Girl3 is going to get married.. I just heard it from my sources at the IT dept.

Girl1: What? She? No, you are mistaken, if that were true, she would had told me the earliest. (Now, you reap the benefits)

Sender: I dunno about your friendship wid her but, she is getting married… One of the IT fellas cracked into her mail.. you see for illegal stuff n all and found this note from Shaadi.com. It stated some confirmatory message stating the success of the match. Also, a lot of emails were found from the ‘Other Party’ involving mushy type of mails.

Girl1: What, this is so bad for ‘Guy1’. Dunno how will he digest the fact.

Sender: Guy1? I had no idea he could date her..

Girl1: Yeah.. even me too also, she was into love marriages n all.. should inform others.. this is an explosive piece of gossip..

Sender: No way you are going to tell others. This is a secret. (Note, she is not interested in the privacy of office mail, gossip is on a gal’s perpetual ‘Most Important’ list.)

Girl1: To hell wid your secret, this is gonna be my ‘The Biggest Bitch in the Organization’ moment.

Alas, you being a guy, (this blog is intended for guys) will be automatically eliminated from the discussion that will follow in the female circles. If you are lucky, the news may spill out of the protected circles which you can take as an added advantage of your effort.
Well, as your work here is done, you know that she’s dating Guy1 and you can play another prank on him.. well, will keep it for some other time.