New year resolutions

I will not eat until i have rats running down my stomach.
I will not eat till my tummy is full
I will not eat more than twice a day.
I will not gyrate each time i see dark chocolate.
I will change my hangout place from the 'Monginis Cake Shop' nearby to 'Rahul Fitness Centre' and will convince all my friends to do the same.
I will not drink more than 2 cups of free coffee at office per day.
I will try to lose my weight in an 'Arithmetic progression' and will undertake any means possible to keep the mathematical function alive.
I will get up at 5:30am every day and jog for atleast 3-5 kms.
I will have Brad Pitt as my inspiration.

Well, these 'were' my last New Year's (2007) resolutions and pretty bazzaire too as you must have found out. Luckily I managed to hold on to a few of them too... most unwantingly as, the 'Free Coffee Machine' was shifted to another wing so, couldn't have access to it other than mornings and evenings. Took up jogging religiously and in the process. befriended a lotta 'Uncles and Aunties' along with some chicks (which were not to be seen on weekdays) so, even voluntarily, i couldn't break the process as the 'Elders' (i will refer 'Uncles and Aunties' to 'Elders' as it makes typing easier) would call at 5:15am every day to make sure i gave them company.
Angelina Jolie was my fantasy chick so, Brad naturally became my nemesis and couldnot remain a role model (i replaced him with Nishant- a super lanky guy from my office and took his personal tips instead).

I continued to keep up the jogging part and can proudly state that currently i do run 13-14 kms at a stretch (had to take this drastic step as Elders couldn't keep up and i wanted to politely shrug them off. Imagine hearing a stock market and a politics- blabber along with 'Aaj kal ke naujawan kitne bighad gaye hain' type discussion every single morning!!).
Could not change the hangout zone as reportedly 'Nice' chicks visited the cake shop religiously and the implementation of my suggestion was naturally not feasible.
The gyratings continued at every desirable entity (couldn't help habit).
Weight loss surprisingly did happen, and in an arithmetic progression (this part is debatable) but, at a very slow pace. The only satisfying part being the investment to return ratio was very high (I invested only in running shoes, those too from the grey market). Yeah, it paints a fine picture but, I wanted my waist to reduce and that frustratingly did not happen. It was extremely irritating to see my body to take a better shape (better than a round one earlier) at the end of all that, you see that flab of fat around your waist. No matter what (even 50 ab squats every day) i did, it did not go, it reduced in size but, it wont leave. I argue, why does Sinhaji's Dog which is well fed (much more than well fed) does not accumulate fat? Why does Nishant get a lanky figure and gets to keep it and not me? Why does Keira Knightley have no fat on her body? (this might be a bit too far huh?).
I tried every trick in the book, searched the net for fat burning medicines tried herbal advices given by the Elders (Are biotech guys listening?) but no help for the fat around my waist. I am able to see the linings on my stomach now (muscular linings i.e.) but the fat is still there, like its made to stay, like its the inherent part of my body (eg. kidneys, lungs, heart, etc.).


So, here is the New year again, time for new resolutions and new lines to be drawn (supposedly not to cross). And, i am going to break all that i had promised myself last year. Yeah, thats my resolution. I am gonna grow fat again... like the fat around my waist needs company of some more. Like Asha aunty says Beta, you seem to be stopped growing (i am still trying to decipher what it does mean),
I wanna grow again.
And, what better way than growing from within and also from the outside?