Office Chronicles-1

How to kill time when there is no work at your desk (We are being diplomatic)

The above statement does not rigidly apply to situations wherein you have no work at your desk but also when the individual concerned does not wish to perform fruitful activity for its employer’s benefit due to overwork (yeah right overwork).
Prime requirements:
1. Free time (Present or self-generated)
2. A desk/table at workplace.
3. A desktop computer
4. A pen.
5. An ISO 9001 organization (cause such organizations have the irritating requirement of signing every document which is passed on to the other guy’s table even if means passing on toilet paper)
6. Other working population in your team (Preferably not interested in your activities)
7. Lots of paper.

Not So-Prime requirements:
1. Intercom phone.
2. Paper copier
3. Printer
4. An intra-company IM client like IP messenger.

Ok, I will deal with the common ones first. Please understand that these actions performed by me were due to the fact that I have a very convoluted brain in my cranium and did not care of my ‘Status’ and/or ‘Respect’ within my organization. I did not care if the chick I was dating (trying to date would be more precise) at the time I pulled pranks dumped me (well, I was paranoid of her being angry on me cause of all these ‘Women Liberation’ laws at workplace and all and that would land me into trouble but, what the heck!!!)

So, here goes the ones tried and tested by me!!! (These must be boring or readers may call these been-there-done-that types but, many of you are gonna enter the brand new world of ‘Corporate Slavery’ so, bless me later if you get too emotionally overwhelmed)
Since I will be very descriptive regarding each of my experiences, I suppose it will be very smart of me to post it in parts so,

Basically what are we trying to do here is spreading common rumors which have a solid potential of traveling very fast and you stay safe.

Part 1

This is the most common one.. First find out the most irritating guy at work-place.. geeks are preferred as they are elusive of activities even in their armpits leave alone workplaces and their only aim in life is to get the job done earliest. This makes the fellow team members look like garbage and obsolete in their boss’s POV. So, this is a very difficult one as these guys never take any leave but, if you are lucky enough and one is absent for the day, grab the chance!! Call every other guy except your team in the organization that you know and kinda use these lines frantically..

Caller: Dude.. I need the residential no. of ‘Geek (use the name of the target)’ fast man.. I have no time..

Recipient: Wait.. Whoa.. what the fu** what’s the matter? Call him on his cell phone dud…

Caller: No way man.. I can’t call him there. I tried callin, some Police answered the call and started asking my details. I disconnected the call but the fella called again.

Recipient: Why? What’s the matter? Police? What did he do? Wait.. what ‘Can’ he do?

Caller: I can’t tell ya. I gotta call his mom.. Police was askin for his mom..

Recipient: What cant you tell me? What’s the matter man? Is he alive? Like some heavy accident or something? Is he alive?

Caller: Yeah man, he is alive, I talked to him just that, I need his residential no.
(Please make sure your voice is as frantic as you can make, the more frantic, the better is the impact)

Recipient: I don’t have his no. man, just tell me alright… what’s wrong wid him?

Caller: I cant tell you at the moment.. Well, I will call Recipient 2 and inquire, you too try from your side, all the best man.
Hang-up now.

What I observed when I pulled this prank off was:

Recipient1 to Recipient2: I dunno man, you have his residential no? looks like he is some serious trouble. I never thought he was capable of anything other than making boss happy.
(You see, message spreads like wildfire esp. if its about a geek)

Recipient2 to Recipient3: Maybe he was caught using cocaine.

Recipient3 to Recipient4: Maybe he has an affair wid the boss’s wife, gotta keep an eye on the boss, if he leaves early I am sure our verdict is true.

Recipient4 to Recipient5: Maybe he has got a new job or something.. that may be the reason.

Recipient5 to Recipient4: We should just call him

Recipient4 to Recipient5: Don’t even make that mistake; Police are tapping his call, if you want to put your life in jeopardy, do that.
Thus, the word spreads and it’s the Chamcha who informs to the boss in the end.

Chamcha to Boss: Sir, did you hear?

Boss: What?

Chamcha: Looks like our ‘Geek’ has got a call from ‘KBC Dwitya’ and he is busy preparing for that.

Boss: Is that so? Well, seems then he doesn’t require that special incentive package I was deciding to give him.

Now, since this activity will take around 2-3 hours to be fully functional, you can just sit back and enjoy people getting curious. The real fun will be the next day when the bloke will arrive trying to defend off every single allegation and question raised against him.